The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
You wouldn't think that would be my heading, 6 days out from chemo. But the entire world looks a little brighter when I know that this feeling isn't followed by ANOTHER ROUND OF CHEMO.
Woohoo!
As everyone who has interacted with me in any way over the last week knows, I completed my LAST ROUND - hopefully forever - of chemotherapy. Now, the honeymoon will be short-lived, because I still have to show up at the infusion center in 2 weeks for my antibody infusion. That part will continue every 3 weeks until August, but that part also has far fewer side effects. That isn't to say it will be easy. Being present in the infusion center, even for simple IV fluids, makes my anxiety peak and my heart race. In fact, the nurse said my heart rate looked "good" yesterday, and it was still over 100! Their perception of what is a normal heart rate and blood pressure for me is a bit alarming, but I imagine they see this frequently. Because seriously, who would feel completely calm and at ease going into an infusion center?
But. Nonetheless. I am feeling the holiday spirit in a way that I haven't felt in years. The last several years have still been great. We celebrate Christmas, and I LOVE Christmas morning with my family. We have established new traditions, like reindeer pancakes that both kids are already cheering about on Christmas Eve, and matching holiday pajamas. But the lead up in recent years has been lackluster. Our tree has been slow to be decorated. Our Christmas decor has been slow to go up. I wasn't into Christmas music. I haven't "felt" like it was Christmas. In fact, last year, we decorated the tree on Christmas Eve with the grandparents and it was actually a pretty magical evening and one that we are recreating this year. But that was happenstance and due to procrastination.
This year, it feels different. I took my son out shopping for gifts, and I was blown away by how thoughtful he was in his selections and suggestions. He even took my hand in the mall, which is rather taboo for a "big kid" these days. It was special. And then we sat in a room yesterday and he helped me wrap the gifts he picked out, and he was so excited to pick out specific wrapping paper for each person. Then last night, he went shopping with my husband to pick out something for me, at his request. While they were gone, I took my daughter in the room to help me wrap gifts. This is risky business, letting the 3 year old in on the gifts, but she was GIDDY with the power of holding secrets. She sat next to me and sang along with the Kids Bop Holiday station (I had no idea that she even knew "Feliz Navidad" until she was singing it), and she helped me "write" all of the gift tags. She whispered each time she said something about a gift, as though the recipient could hear us from wherever they were in the world. It, too, was special.
Tonight and tomorrow, we will host my mom and brother and in-laws, for dinner tonight (and my mother in law's birthday!), and the day tomorrow, with cooking, and a warm fire, and coffee, and gifts, and I could burst with the level of fulfillment I preemptively feel. Our house is also coming together. As you recall, we learned about the C word as we were preparing to close on our new house. Things have been rather slow to get settled, thanks to the chemo schedule. But in the last 2-3 weeks, we replaced our sectional, bought and mounted a TV, got blinds and shades installed, ordered new bedroom linens and are awaiting the delivery of our bedroom furniture on Friday.
And next? ...surgery. I met with my surgical oncologist, and we have a surgery plan. The date is set for January 28th, and, barring any changes after meeting with the plastic surgeon on December 31st, I will be having a single mastectomy with reconstruction to both the mastectomy side and the non-cancer side, to make it look somewhat even. More details to come after the next appointment!
For now, here I am, yesterday at my appointment for IV fluids. I landed a bed in a private room, which really solidified that 'tis the season to be jolly and thankful. My eyebrows and eyelashes have nearly completely given in to chemo-induced alopecia, and my hair has thinned out quite a bit in areas (to follow with a separate post), but overall, I am coming through this a stronger person. One who is once again experiencing the magic in the small moments.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL WHO ARE CELEBRATING!!
Woohoo!
As everyone who has interacted with me in any way over the last week knows, I completed my LAST ROUND - hopefully forever - of chemotherapy. Now, the honeymoon will be short-lived, because I still have to show up at the infusion center in 2 weeks for my antibody infusion. That part will continue every 3 weeks until August, but that part also has far fewer side effects. That isn't to say it will be easy. Being present in the infusion center, even for simple IV fluids, makes my anxiety peak and my heart race. In fact, the nurse said my heart rate looked "good" yesterday, and it was still over 100! Their perception of what is a normal heart rate and blood pressure for me is a bit alarming, but I imagine they see this frequently. Because seriously, who would feel completely calm and at ease going into an infusion center?
But. Nonetheless. I am feeling the holiday spirit in a way that I haven't felt in years. The last several years have still been great. We celebrate Christmas, and I LOVE Christmas morning with my family. We have established new traditions, like reindeer pancakes that both kids are already cheering about on Christmas Eve, and matching holiday pajamas. But the lead up in recent years has been lackluster. Our tree has been slow to be decorated. Our Christmas decor has been slow to go up. I wasn't into Christmas music. I haven't "felt" like it was Christmas. In fact, last year, we decorated the tree on Christmas Eve with the grandparents and it was actually a pretty magical evening and one that we are recreating this year. But that was happenstance and due to procrastination.This year, it feels different. I took my son out shopping for gifts, and I was blown away by how thoughtful he was in his selections and suggestions. He even took my hand in the mall, which is rather taboo for a "big kid" these days. It was special. And then we sat in a room yesterday and he helped me wrap the gifts he picked out, and he was so excited to pick out specific wrapping paper for each person. Then last night, he went shopping with my husband to pick out something for me, at his request. While they were gone, I took my daughter in the room to help me wrap gifts. This is risky business, letting the 3 year old in on the gifts, but she was GIDDY with the power of holding secrets. She sat next to me and sang along with the Kids Bop Holiday station (I had no idea that she even knew "Feliz Navidad" until she was singing it), and she helped me "write" all of the gift tags. She whispered each time she said something about a gift, as though the recipient could hear us from wherever they were in the world. It, too, was special.
Tonight and tomorrow, we will host my mom and brother and in-laws, for dinner tonight (and my mother in law's birthday!), and the day tomorrow, with cooking, and a warm fire, and coffee, and gifts, and I could burst with the level of fulfillment I preemptively feel. Our house is also coming together. As you recall, we learned about the C word as we were preparing to close on our new house. Things have been rather slow to get settled, thanks to the chemo schedule. But in the last 2-3 weeks, we replaced our sectional, bought and mounted a TV, got blinds and shades installed, ordered new bedroom linens and are awaiting the delivery of our bedroom furniture on Friday.
And next? ...surgery. I met with my surgical oncologist, and we have a surgery plan. The date is set for January 28th, and, barring any changes after meeting with the plastic surgeon on December 31st, I will be having a single mastectomy with reconstruction to both the mastectomy side and the non-cancer side, to make it look somewhat even. More details to come after the next appointment!
For now, here I am, yesterday at my appointment for IV fluids. I landed a bed in a private room, which really solidified that 'tis the season to be jolly and thankful. My eyebrows and eyelashes have nearly completely given in to chemo-induced alopecia, and my hair has thinned out quite a bit in areas (to follow with a separate post), but overall, I am coming through this a stronger person. One who is once again experiencing the magic in the small moments.HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL WHO ARE CELEBRATING!!
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| Fierce chemo nurse |
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| Fierce oncologist |
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