Love avalanche.

I know, I know.  It is so cheesy and cliche to do a post about love around Valentine's Day.  And I can't even lie and say it hasn't informed some of this post, though for the most part it is coincidental timing.

I've been thinking a lot about love lately, and the various ways we show love and even more various ways we feel love.  The little decisions we make in a day that turn the rest of the events of the day around, simply because of the way they made someone feel.

I've taken up knitting this winter.  Every winter I set my mind on something, some creative outlet to pass the dreary, cold time that makes up the winter months.  Last winter I tried knitting but it didn't take off.  I tried again this winter, and discovered that I'm actually good at hats.  I made Vivian one first, and she was so tickled that she wore her hat to the movies and kept it on for most of the time.  So I made James's the next day. I very carefully picked yarns to match their favorite colors, and he loved his hat so much, his teacher said he didn't take it off the entire school day, AND he bragged to his meeting partner (upper school mentor) and teacher that his mom made it for him.

When I tell you that honoring his request for mittens was a labor of love...it might have ruined all of my dreams of knitting myself cute sweaters.  Like, this one mitten was so challenging that I seriously contemplated letting him figure out how to make one mitten work for the rest of the winter.  I stayed up late last night finishing it, because I couldn't go to sleep when it was so close.  And I focused on all of the imperfections, the places I went off pattern, the places my stitches were off.  But his whole face lit up when he woke up this morning.  And then, when he came home from school, he brought me this love note. 

"Dear Mama, 

You are the best mom I could ever had.  

You do lots of stuff for me and our family!  

Love James."

His "Love" was made with a heart for a letter, and the heart in the picture was surrounded by a force field, he said, so no one could penetrate it.  He also made me a wooden "Love" bracelet that he colored for me, with an "I love you" on the other side.  I gushed over it, appropriately.

Later tonight, I spent some time with him working on his Valentines cards.  At his Quaker school, they have a tradition of homemade Valentines on which an "affirmation" is given to each classmate.  His were so thoughtful, covering everything from "you are good at math," to "I like that you are nice to me," to "I like that you love sloths. <3."  Something that doesn't sound immediately like an "affirmation" IS, in that it shows how you care about one's interests enough to remember it.  He drew little cartoons on the inside of each card, and each one was different.  He offered to help me with dinner after I helped with his cards (though we have been working on these cards for WEEKS, because I know my kid), and in return I made his favorites: breakfast for dinner.  It was like a love avalanche.

Jay took Vivian for dance lessons.  Before he left, I made good on a promise to catch up on a series that he's wanted us to watch together: The Morning Show.  In a time and space when quality time matters, that mattered.  He then ran errands for me and picked up the things that I can't pick up for myself, including a different yarn that will yield better mittens...

My mom is loving me in only a way that a mom can.  She is doing so much to get the kids out the door in the morning, and picking them up, and feeding them, and helping with homework.  She is running around for me.  She is letting Vivian sleep with her every night, because I have to sleep in a recliner.  BIG STUFF.

And Vivian.  When James went to a birthday party over the weekend, I promised Vivian that we would do something fun.  We painted flower magnets, we laughed, we spent time together.  And afterward, she not only didn't fight me to take a nap, she gladly did it.  She slept on my belly in a recliner while I read.  When she woke up in a great mood, she asked for some chocolates (Hersheys kisses), and asked if we could play together in her kitchen.  She spoiled me with "cooking" my favorite foods, and...the next day, asked if she could take a nap on my belly again, and then get chocolate and play in her kitchen.  She's been throwing around random "I love yous," which is a big deal for my anti-affection kid.  And when she (gasp) kissed me tonight - and I can actually kiss her again, now that my immune system is returning - she said "when I kiss you, I don't like to wipe the kiss off."  If you know my kid, you know THAT is love!

Not to drone on about something you might not be interested in, but I'm also feeling the love for myself.  I had a moment of mourning my body that has been put through the wringer and mutilated, but lately I have found myself looking in the mirror and...not hating it.  I actually rather like my mismatched breasts, and I rather like being nearly flat.  Who knew?  Maybe it's the battle wounds that I'm embracing.  Maybe I'm so caught up in my love avalanche that vanity has taken a back seat.  But whatever it is, I will take it.  Even though I still have this ABSOLUTELY AWFUL drain in my body, I'm getting used to the new skin I'm in.

I appreciate each and every one of you who has checked in with me often.  Sent things.  Thought about me.  My family and in-laws and my siblings who are all showing me love by texting and visiting and carving stuff into their hair in my honor!  Everyone.

Anyway, enough with the cheesiness. I would love if everyone would take a look around them and appreciate something today. Embrace something that you love, or something that makes you feel love.  I'm not big on resolutions, but I am endeavoring to be like the Quakers and give more affirmations, and to tell people I love them more.  If you are reading this, I think you are beautiful.  I  think you are good at something.  I admire your interests.  And I love you, friends.

Happy Valentine's Day.  May you be filled with Love Avalanches.