How I'm Doing

My Waze alert today.

Many have reached out to ask how I'm doing.   The truth is, navigating COVID19 is not dissimilar to navigating cancer treatments.  I have been practicing a form of "social distancing" since August 7th when I started chemo.  I wore a mask and regularly sanitized my hands when I ventured into heavily populated places.  I limited leaving the house.  I treated every stranger as though they had the possibility of compromising my sensitive immune system.  And I focused on putting one foot in front of the other in those three weeks between each treatment.

Though I am three months past chemo and two months past my surgery, I am still immune compromised because of my continued immunotherapy infusions every three weeks.  Today was one of those said infusions, and I was feeling extremely anxious about venturing away from my house, to a medical facility where I would be around other patients and nurses and doctors who are constantly around other patients.  I had blood work today, which confirmed that, three months later, my white blood cells, red blood cells, platelets, and neutrophils are STILL all below normal.  

I am also learning the hard way about the life cycle of nails.  Despite the fact that I froze my fingers at each infusion, I am on the verge of losing my nails.  Sorry for the visual, but you already know that by reading my blog posts, you will get the realness.  All of this white cloudy space is where my nails have lifted, and watching it spread each day is truly nerve-wracking.

I am recovering nicely from my mastectomy.  Physical therapy has been a godsend, even though it is on pause indefinitely.  I completed all of my expansions and am just waiting for my "exchange" surgery, which was supposed to be at the end of April or beginning of May. It will not be, because reconstruction is considered "elective" and is therefore also postponed indefinitely.  I just want to be done!

I am back to work full time, other than infusion days.  I have also been well-prepared for the current state of affairs at work, having worked from home most of the last eight months and am directed to do so now.  The difference now, of course, is that my kids are home full time, and we have taken up (that sounds more elective than it is) their schooling while they are out of school indefinitely.  I actually get a tremendous amount of glee from conference calls these days, when people (especially the men!) come off mute and we immediately hear kids or dogs in the background.  Tremendous.  Glee.  I love that it throws everyone into being their authentic selves.  We have no choice but to "bring our whole selves" to work, because work has come to our homes, in all our homes' glory.  

We're getting creative in here, with teaching methods, entertainment, and cooking.  I have taken conference calls from my closet when needed. My kids and I have taken advantage of technology and had virtual playdates or happy hours, which are life changing.  Vivian's virtual playdate involved showing each other all of the toys in their houses and acting silly.  James's virtual plate involved playing video games together.  My virtual playdates involved wine and DJ DNice, or just chatter and laughter.  If you haven't done it, do it.  It refills your cup.  We have also moved to virtual dance lessons and soccer lessons and everything.  It is truly miraculous how quickly everyone has come together to tackle the COMPLETELY unexpected.

In general, I feel fortunate that I am here, in my house, with my family, weathering the pandemic.  I have never been so thankful not to be "essential," and to be permitted to work from home.  I feel for and greatly appreciate the medical providers who are working tirelessly on the front lines, jeopardizing their own health and family time.  I feel for and greatly appreciate grocery delivery shoppers and drivers, who are also putting themselves at risk going to work each day and limiting exposure for the rest of us, immune compromised or not.  I feel for and greatly appreciate ALL essential workers, who don't have the privilege of just staying home.  I feel devastated for those who have already lost loved ones, or who have been on lock down far longer than we have and feel desperate.

For everyone else: do your part.  Do not just say home (aside from obtaining the essentials) to keep yourselves safe, but to keep our essential providers and immunocompromised safe.  I may be equipped and prepared to stay home for the long term, but I certainly don't want to be.  I am as anxious as the next person to chase a sense of normalcy.  In fact, as I was writing this, Vivian looked over my shoulder and asked "are you still sick?" So yeah.  Normalcy we all crave.

Thanks for checking on me, friends. How are YOU doing?