Children's Love

I've mentioned before how resilient these two are, and how intuitive they are.  But even I was taken aback by the showering of love they have given me this week.  I am preparing for a surgical procedure on Friday, and am anxious about being in a hospital environment but have tried hard not to show it. Last week I had to leave the house for my quarterly echocardiogram (which looked great!), and today I had to leave for my second to last (!!) antibody infusion.

Generally, they ask where I'm going and await my return.  But today, they were feeling a little extra anxiety.  My son saw I was getting dressed and asked where I was going.  I said I had a doctor appointment...and he said "I don't know what I'm going to do without you."

Now.  That was a little jarring.  But I chalked it up to his being dramatic about me leaving for a few hours.  Then as I was at the door, he called out to me to ask if he could give me a hug before I left.

My daughter also ran up as I was putting on my shoes, telling me she wanted to send me with a special snack.  She gave me a huge hug.  Then my son ran out to hand me his prized possession: a carefully colored Super Mario picture where he marked the date of the next Mario video game release.  He wanted me to take it with me to feel loved. They waved me off as I pulled out of the driveway.

Then once I returned, one or the other stayed by my side.  James is laying next to me in bed now. Vivian was even next to me as I napped when I got back, because I wasn't feeling well.  Then she - at barely four years old - told me she was going to make me a special snack.  She pushed her tower into the pantry, and selected all of my favorite things that she carefully arranged on a plate.  Then she sat down and colored a heart for me, and wrote "Mama" on it, then asked for tape so she could hang it on my door.  I mean. 😭

Earlier in the week, my son impromptu asked what my favorite sandwich was, and then made it for me.  And I opened the fridge later that day to find a bowl with a note on it for me.  He had made me a fruit salad, down to de-pitting some cherries for it.

I told them that they were doing a really good job of making me feel special this week, and asked what was going on.  James (7) said "well we want you to feel special because you have surgery this week.  And also because you still have cancer.  How do you still have cancer, anyway?  That's not fair."

Sigh.

My hearts, my minis, are in this with me, want to heal me, and are doing a good job of it.  I did explain that I don't have cancer anymore, but have to keep getting special medicine to make sure it doesn't come back.

They also must have felt my feelings this week.  My hair is still thinning, though not as badly as before.  And my nails started lifting and peeling again.  I felt frustrated that my body doesn't want to get back to normal.  And then it hit me today, that if all of these things are still happening in my body, maybe the medicine is still working for me.  And I felt calm in that knowledge.

I know I have already shared a bunch of pics in this short post, but I'm documenting everything, right?  This morning, I pulled my hair out of the braid - which I have to sleep in to keep my hair from rubbing on anything while I sleep - and the curl was pulled out of my hair, so the thinning was really evident.  I stared at the holes and thinning spots.  Then I took pics after I washed it, so you can see how well the curls hide the thinning.  THANK GOODNESS for the curls.

At the end of the day, I will come out of this grueling year with a special, added appreciation for my family, my hair, my health, my job, my health insurance, my friends.

So many people and things in my life have shown up as dependable, and I don't take any of those things for granted.  Speaking of, I am soliciting prayers and good thoughts for Friday's procedure, for tomorrow's COVID test in advance of Friday, and for my surgery in a few weeks.  If you're still reading, thanks for being on this ride with me.